Step 1: Do not sleep. Whether from nerves or the symphony of snorers in your hostel, the likelihood of a good night’s rest before destroying your cuerpo is low.
Step 2: Wake up at the crack of dawn. Either you want to enjoy the sunrise at the top, avoid other travelers, discreetly not pay the fees, or start without the heat, but there is a high chance that you’ll be up before the neighborhood rooster.
Step 3: Begin walking. Due to the extreme hour of the morning and the 20 degree incline of our beloved Guatemalan trails, most of your concentration will be on putting one foot in front of the other.
Step 4: Convince yourself that this is fun. The top will be worth it! Look at those views! Look at those trees! You are a strong and independent warrior who can do this! Is that a songbird you hear?
Step 5: Accept that this is not fun.
Step 6: As the altitude starts to make you croak and wheeze, start trying to hide your imminent death from your compañeros. Pretend that your shoe is untied, that there is a fascinating inset, or that the color of the sky is just so vivid- Any excuse to catch your breath.
Step 7: Discreetly check All-Trails every 15 seconds to confirm that the summit has not moved.
Step 8: Curse the mountain for having a false summit.
Step 9:
- Reach the summit.
- Immediately forget all the pain you just experienced.
- Take 100 photos of the same thing.
- Nap on a rock with a sharp point digging into your side.
Step 10: Always remember. Uphill is hard, but downhill hurts.